Snippet

Here’s just under 200 words from my musings the past couple days. Super rough draft — almost not a second glance given to it.

Her rapid laugh dug into the night – over, under, and through. I waited, expecting a counter argument or question, but nothing followed the laugh’s path out of her throat and into the air except almost-silent breath. She looked straight at me. I let her gaze rush into my eyes and imagined her upside down – how my eyes were really seeing her before being twisted to fit our upright world. I saw nostrils aimed up at the infinite sky and its infinite stars caught in infinite galaxies; eyelashes that followed lids as they pushed instead of dropped; but still a mouth that turned neither down nor up. I blinked, and lingered in the space, even darker than the night, behind my lids, before consciously dragging them open again. The tips of her hair pointed down again and her chin was below her lips. Her stare hadn’t changed. She sighed, and everything felt heavier. I wondered where time was hiding, but dared not look away from her face in search of it.

And then I thought: is laughter the only thing that truly pierces through heartbreak?

I had to leave her there then, for fear she’d laugh again and change my mind.

As of right now, it’s a stand-alone piece. I might write what I’d probably title a prologue and an epilogue to it, with similar word counts, and piece them together as one piece with a single title. Those parts, if they happen, will probably come on a later day though.

And now: back to business. KriBoWriMo must continue!

KriBoWriMo

If nothing changed, would time exist?

So begins KriBoWriMo — Kristy’s Book Writing Month (a play on NaNoWriMo, of course). I mentioned doing this at the beginning of the year, and gosh darn did March come fast!

Goal: 50,000 words by March 31st. Daily goal: over 1,500 words.

The point is to write. No editing, no fretting over what’s good and what’s shit, just writing. Step one is getting everything out of the brain and onto the page. Sorting out what works and what doesn’t is for a later date. Especially for someone like me: who revises until she hates a piece and then throws it away. I think this will be an amazing experiment.

Right now I’m sitting at Vivace on the hill, empty hazelnut latte on my right, with just under 1000 words written for today. At some point over the weekend I need to make up for the 1500 words I didn’t write yesterday.

I’ve decided on flash fiction, and I’m hoping to drop a couple short stories into the mix as well. I need to learn how to extend things out and give characters more than 500 words to develop themselves. I can’t give up flash fiction and SoC (stream of conciousness) prose though–it’s what comes naturally to me and the struggles in them are so much more poignant when they are just allowed to hit you and then end — when they are the only point.

I’ve set myself a theme, time, and we’ll see if I can stick to it. Time is the strongest pattern in my body of work, and its intricacies fascinate me, so I don’t think I’ll struggle to keep to it. Now it’s just about pounding it all out onto the keyboard.

Honestly, most people participate in NaNoWriMo to write a novel (obviously), and if they hit the 50,000 by the end of the 30 days, it’s on to editing. Many people revise and edit it to a novel around 70,000-100,000 words. I’ll be happy if I can get 15-20 good pieces (10-15,000 words) out of the 50,000 I plan to write that I feel comfortable self-publishing as a chapbook or in some other low-key, crafty way. This is a challenge of retaining and owning my work — two things I’ve been horrible at in the past. It’s scary, but a girl’s gotta start somewhere. And if I do publish, then later decide it’s crap, instead of getting embarrassed I’ll just blame it on my age. Hey, I’m 20 — I have at least 40 years in front of me to perfect what I do. For right now, I’m just going to DO it.

Want another snippet? My first piece (tentatively) ends:

If love exists, so, necessarily, does time.

My jeans are tight again.

And I abhor the dreaded “muffin top.”

I know, I know: at least I still have a job. At least I’m still cigarrette-free and can afford to eat enough to make my Calvin Kleins tight in the hips. And c’mon, running a fashion and design blog where you can’t fit into the clothes is pretty funny. At least there’s that.

I gained the weight because I’m stressed out. My 135-pound bullmastiff has started to take a toll on my schedule again, and with Boyfriend starting a new school quarter soon, I’m going to have even less time to go running around the block. (I can’t run Ned around the block because he doesn’t run – bullmastiffs are notoriously lazy, hip-dysplasia-prone dogs.) And, to add to my stress, my mom recently lost her job (thanks, economy!) and is juuuust able to make bills on unemployment.

But see, stress is so uncool. I’m not okay with it. So I decided to call my mom and offer to pay her to walk the dog twice a week.

I still have a job, so I can afford it. She’s been complaining about having nothing productive to do, so she’s excited to have a dog to take care of again. (Hers died a couple of months ago.) Ned loves…everything, so he’ll enjoy it, and I’ll have more time to work out instead of having to run home to take the dog out to pee.

My first workout is today, eliptical-style. Wish me luck!

Grand Cayman Islands

Looks like I have another reason to get in shape (and especially to tone the tummy!)–I’ll be spending a week on the Cayman Islands in June.

It’s a family vacation of sorts (my dad, his fiance, and her children), and I’m going to take a wild guess that I’ll be spending a lot of time on the beach… in the dreaded bikini, haha. Hopefully there is more to do there than just tan (as I’m an avid advocate of NEVER tanning)–I would love to hike and talk to locals (research opportunity!) and scuba with the sea turtles.

I’m a very hesitant tourist. Much of my academic focus is critical tourism studies/research, which makes me hyperaware of the tourist industry and the inequalities lurking under the alluring cover-layer. Because of this I have been looking into the history of the Islands and will probably be talking to tourists (knowing my father, we’ll no doubt be staying at a resort), and especially the people working there, especially those in the service industry directly related to the tourism. Hopefully I’ll gather some interesting data.

Now that I’ve probably made vacation sound completely work-involved and boring to you (but not to me!), let’s get back to how this relates to the blog. First of all, it does support me academically, so that could be lumped under the “figuring shit out” part. However, it mostly concerns me in the getting healthy sector of my resolutions! I really feel like this could be a motivator for getting fit before I leave.

I have about 15 weeks, and my goal is to lose 10-15 pounds and TONE up. That’s about a pound a week, which sounds SUPER doable to me, but it also involves hitting the gym more for some weights and resistance work, which will be the more challenging part.

Status updates as they come! LOST is on tonight, so no gym, but tomorrow is more than likely a workout day!

Work it, Baby

I regularly babysit two lovely preschool-aged boys; and each time I do I can expect to hear the same line as their parents walk out the door: “Boys… make good choices!” For some reason it has come to stick in my mind like glue and tonight, as I drove back from the gym I thought: “Wow, look at these good choices I made!”

Dorky, I know. I know. But faced with the choice of going to trivia with the roomies and crew at the pub up the street or going to the gym and finishing my homework, I chose the latter. In less than an hour I was able to change into workout clothes, drive to the gym (and park for free!), jog/run 3 miles while watching an episode of Battlestar Galactica, and drive back home feeling refreshed!

I would have loved to have a friend tag along for motivation, but alas, they chose trivia. So I took along my iPhone and watched some TV. For some reason I’ve found that watching an episode of a TV show makes me work out faster and longer (I want to watch the whole episode!). In case you’re in the same lonely situation, here are some great TV show recommendations that you can download from iTunes and take with you:

Old Favorites:

• Arrested Development
• Freaks and Geeks
• Buffy (yes, the Vampire Slayer)
• Firefly (you might remember the movie, Serenity)
• Weeds
• Ugly Betty

Recent Interests:

• Battlestar Galactica
• LOST
• 30 Rock
• The Tudors
• Big Love
• Mad Men**

Battlestar, Firefly, Buffy, and Lost are for those who like adventure with a touch of romance (aka subplot) and some sarcastic humor. No matter how dorky or sci-fi they sound, these are winners.

Freaks and Geeks, Arrested Development, 30 Rock, Weeds, and Ugly Betty are the comedies, for those who like to laugh while they’re on the stairstepper (you know it’s not the machine that’s causing it…)

And then my favorites: the dramas. The Tudors is a Showtime series. It’s all sex, drama, drama, and sex. It’s one of those “history dramas” (like HBO’s Rome), but with gorgeous costumes and less gore than most others.

Big Love is an HBO series on it’s third season and is about a polygamist family living in a mostly-LDS Mormon suburb outside Salt Lake City. It’s actually incredibly well done and shows the struggle between the LDS church, strict fundamentalists, those in-between, and the rest of the world. If you haven’t seen it, this is my #2 recommendation.

Which brings me to my #1: Mad Men.

This show is about an advertising firm on Madison Avenue in 1960. The men are the sexy business boys, and the women either gorgeous wives (inevitably being cheated on) or secretaries trying to make some money before settling down with a hubbie and having kids. And then there are the women who are determined to make it to the top. The series is amazing, from the acting, the script, the costumes, the setting–everything is incredible. It’s won a ridiculous amount of awards (and deserved them all). It’s a series worth catching up on–that’s for sure.

So those are my tips for the day. Anyone have any suggestions for me? Haha.

Happy trails or elipticals or treadmills to everyone–and enjoy the show!

Oh my!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, too. (Thanks, Kristy, for reminding me.) Here are a few updates from the Jen world:

• Smoking: I quit on January 10 and haven’t had a single puff since!  It’s been over a month, and though it FEELS like I’m in the clear, having a boyfriend that smokes still makes it hard sometimes.  I found myself getting cravings last night – cravings that were brought on by having a cold.  Weird, huh?
• Being active three times a week: Nothin’ doin’.  My motivation has been shot lately.  I keep telling myself that I’ll do yoga or run or at least walk around for a half hour, but I always get caught up in something else…
• …which, lately, has been my new domain.  I finally took the big leap and bought AwakenedAesthetic.com, which is now the site for a blog idea I’ve had for years.  The idea – eco-conscious design and fashion for those of us with normal budgets – is getting me to write again.  It’s not high-brow writing, that’s for sure, but it’s something I enjoy and it forces me to get creative.  It also keeps me in the present moment, which I haven’t been lately.
• Travel.  The economy is making me bang my head against a wall…but I still have to get back to this resolution.  I only have ten months!

HELLO AGAIN LOVELY BLOGOSPHERE

I’m back! I don’t know where the others went, but for the past 5 weeks I’ve been rehearsing for the Vagina Monologues. These past couple weeks they have completely eaten every spare second of my life. But now that the performances are over, I can get back on track with life and resolutions.

Speaking of eating, getting healthy is at the top of my list. I joined Weight Watchers, lost 5 pounds, and then got so busy that I stopped keeping track of what I was eating (which was mainly chocolate, cookies, ice cream, cupcakes, and other top-of-the-food pyramid items). It’s time to start documenting again and making sure that I’m eating better. Further, now that I have my evenings free again, it’s time to hit the gym. Tonight will be my first night back at the gym, and I’ll be going on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings from now on.

As for writing, I have decided that it’s time for some intensive work. In March I will be doing my own version of National Novel Writing Month. It’s officially in November, but I had no time then, so March will be my month. I am choosing between the following options as guidelines:

• Stick with the original intent and write a novel (50,000 words)
• Write a book of short stories and flash fiction (50,000 words)
• Write a book of interconnected flash fiction pieces that together construct a novel (50,000 words)
• Write 50,000 of poetry, flash fiction, short stories and prose

There are ups and downs to all of those. A novel really isn’t my genre… I have never tried, nor am I that interested in writing one (I think). Short stories are something that I’ve wanted to practice and conquer for a long time but haven’t really put the effort into. A whole novel of flash fiction lets me write the way I like to, but I still need a macro-level plot with full characters and plot lines (which scares me). And the last option is the most free, but will most likely leave me with a shit ton of bad poetry that I would have just thrown out in the first place if i didn’t have a word quota. I have a week to decide what I want to do and then I gotta get my write on!

Finally, I think the toughest resolution this year is the one I’ve talked about the least–figuring shit out. Haha. I’ve gone back and forth and back again on whether or not to apply to grad schools right after graduation. If I want to do that I really need to start thinking about applying for scholarships and taking the GRE, as well as chatting up some of the professors that might be a good fit. However, there is something to be said for getting out into the real world, working for a couple years, paying down some debt, and then applying later. I could also apply to schools and defer for a year, which might be the ultimate solution. I also need to get on the ball about ASL courses. Hopefully I’ll be able to test out of a couple levels and just take one or two courses to finish up my requirements for graduation.

So that’s the skinny on what’s up at the moment. Sorry I’ve been MIA for so long! It was not my intention at all–Vagina Monologues just took over my life there for a bit. Hope to see the others back soon as well.

New Link–Inspiration

I wanted to make a post about a new link I added to our blogroll.

I was shown Yimmy’s Yayo last night and was completely absorbed for a significant chunk of time before I forced myself away to get some work done. Each entry is a series of visually interesting photos or images–not necessarily following a theme–and all of them are very catching. It’s almost impossible to not compulsively click “advance” once you’ve gotten to the bottom of a page and stare at the previous entries for hours.

Right away I realized I could use many of these images as writing prompts, and in less than 24 hours it’s already provided me more inspiration than I’ve had in a week.

Hopefully it does something for you too.

Another favorite:

Quick update

I wanted to kind of do a “look back” on my resolutions and see, so far, how I’ve been doing –

1) I haven’t overdrawn my bank account once since I made my first post. I’m so proud of myself for this, but I will say that my first real test of my new-found budgeting skills is swiftly approaching, as I have to find out a way to shell out $163.18 every two weeks until March 15 for my first-semester sorority dues. I’ve already talked to my mom, and she’s going to help me make the first payment, but my handy-dandy budgeting tells me if I work a minimum of 12 hours/week, I’ll be able to make the following payments on time and in full.

2) I haven’t kept the food log like I’ve wanted to, and to be honest, since I’ve been back at school I haven’t paid much attention to what I’ve eaten. I do know that I lost almost 12 pounds over winter break, so I’m pretty stoked about that. It’s been hard to keep that up back at school because of the overabundance of amazing food, but I’m trying my best. I’ve only ordered out three times in the past month (!), partly to keep my bank account in check, and partly because take-out is terrible for me.

3) No speeding ticket yet! However, the year is just beginning. This one will definitely be more long-term.

4) This is probably the one resolution I’ve fudged the most. I’ve skipped three classes and haven’t kept up with my reading and studying at all (especially with my online class…ugh). I’m going home this weekend, though, for the first time since I’ve been back at school, so my goal is to get the majority of it out of the way so I don’t stress about it.

5) Surprisingly, I’ve had no trouble with this resolution at all. I struggled with guilt initially, feeling like I was letting people down, but it’s not been as difficult as I imagined it would. Joining the sorority was my first step, and asking my mother (who doesn’t approve of it at all) to help me pay for it was the second. I’m finding out more about myself through this entire process, especially through keeping up with this resolution, and I love that.

Weight Watchers

I joined Weight Watchers for a week-long free trial. I’ve done a free week before, back in May or something, but I have to say that it’s a lot easier when your roommate is also on it, as things in the house are arranged for it nicely and they can provide great advice and support.

So far it’s been 4 days and I’m coming to like it a lot. I went over my daily points on the first day, and that bit into my extra “weekly points,” but since then I’ve either hit the mark or been under.

I have 23 points a day, and an extra 35 weekly points that can either be used gradually daily or all at once on a splurge meal. I’ve found it’s not difficult to stay under the point max and still feel satisfied. Granted, my goal weight is only 15 pounds under what I am now, so I’m not looking at anything drastic, but I guess I just never expected it to be so easy.

Leafy green things–like spinach, my fave–are 0 points for the most part, and there are some yummy snacks that are between 0-2 (fat-free jello is 0 points!).

The past couple days have made me think about what I eat before I eat it, and I think WW is worth it if only for that. So I think that after the week is up I am going to stick with it.

Now it’s just a matter of getting to the gym and toning these arms, legs, and tumm-ay! Hahaha.